the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
