I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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