Where did you get a picture of my penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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