I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
