The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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