omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
