I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
