K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I forget how to act sober
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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