Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
