I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
