Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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