I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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