I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
