Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
