we have pet lesbian snakes
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
