I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Someone came in the potted fern
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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