There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
