Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
