I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
