Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
