i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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