Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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