omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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