anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
