well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
