Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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