dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"it" just moved
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
