Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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