He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
