matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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