I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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