Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
