why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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