First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
