I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
