I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
