He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
