why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
