so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
