the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
