sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
