her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
