Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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