can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
