i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
