I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
