he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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