You probably were dumped for being a fat ass. Lose the weight and possibly gain the d. Otherwise keep eating that shit and maybe you can have an exclusive Internet relationship; like the one where you exchange photographs of yourselves, but in your case it's a picture of a hot chick with your face pasted on it.
This is real except for the last part, who puts "not taking this breakup well" in a text message, her friend probably already knew what was up so she wouldn't need to say that
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