Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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