We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
